the Light and the Wind

If you were to ask me how I got into that place, I wouldn't know what to tell you. I have no memories from a time before this. I have no idea what brought me there. The first thing I remember is the darkness surrounding me. The thick black atmosphere overwhelmed me completely and caused me to fall to the ground, paralyzed by fear. I did not know where my next step would take me. I remember feeling around, but not really sure what I was searching for.

Then I remember these faint voices calling from every direction. Futilely I looked around, but I just stared at black. The voices rang louder within my ears. My hearing heightened because of my lack of vision. Each voice screamed warnings of wandering from my position. I heard about holes everywhere or pitfalls positioned randomly. But they promised safety and contentment, security, and no pain in this dark cave, especially in remaining in the very spot I sat.

For a while, I remember feeling content where I sat. Yet something within me hated it. Angry at the heavy emotion and dissatisfaction, I began to crawl around aimlessly, trying to find my way out. But I felt like I was not going anywhere. The dark had me thinking I had no need of eyes, so I just kept them closed. In a way, I refused to open them for fear of what they would find. The mystery of the dark scared me.

Suddenly, a faint wind sent chills down my spine as a voice so distinct from the others rang in my ears. "Open you eyes. Trust me child." I had grown used to the other voices that I did not hear them anymore, except on occasion. But this voice was different. The softness and grace heard in the voice had me wanting to trust. Slowly I let my eye lids glide open and looked towards the direction the faint wind blow. In the distance, a faint light shone and in the heart of the light stood the silhouette of a cross.

"Come towards the light," the voiced called. The faint wind blow stronger. With some unknown courage, I began to crawl and fixed my eyes on the Light ahead of me. The faint light slowly became closer and closer and the silhouette of the cross grew bigger and bigger. The faint wind grew stronger and lifted me to my feet. In a moment of hope, I took little steps (being sure no holes laid in my way). More and more confidence came as the little steps turned into strides. Before I knew it, I was sprinting with the wind at my back, pushing me towards the Light.

What happened next, I question why I allowed it to happen. A deep nostalgia hit me and I remembered the comfort of the voices and the superficial security of the dark cave. In that moment, I found myself on the ground, in pain, and unable to move. I curled myself into a ball and looked at the light. The hope I once had was overpowered by the voices who secretly whispered hopelessness into my paralyzed body. The same fear I had forgotten about gripped me yet again. Yet the wind kept blowing and in a way, encouraging me to keep going.

I'm not really sure how long I was on the ground. I don't know how long I allowed that pain, that fear, and that hopelessness rule me. I am not really sure how I lost sight of that light. I do remember that voice, I ignored for a while, coming back louder and more full of grace. "Come my child. You are forgiven." 

Those words stung my heart. It's as if the voice knew what was deep within my heart. I felt the wind once again, and looked up at the Light. I did not realize how close I really was. Weeping, I stood up with renewed strength. This time, I sprinted as hard as I could towards the LIght, never letting my eye wander from it.

As the Light grew closer, I began to see the emptiness of the cave I was stuck in. The silhouette of the cross started to become more and more clear. Soon I found myself in complete Light. I looked up, still weeping, to the cross like figure and fell to my knees. Standing before me was Jesus, arms opened, and not a wooden cross as I had expected.

I remember weeping on the ground in the arms of my Savior. The fear disappeared and peace came in its place. That's when I knew I was in the most secure place I could be. I knew I would never find as much satisfaction in anything or anyone else.