Redeeming

The musty scent of old books infiltrated my nostrils as I browsed through my newly discovered used book store. Closing my eyes, I gently reached out my arm and allowed my hand to gently glide along the row of books. Simultaneously , the familiar odor, the welcoming silence, the million rows of books reaching ceiling high, and the feel of the old leather bound books entertained and teased my senses.  It left me comforted by the nostalgic recollections of the refuge I found in the library.  It was safe enough to distract me from the haunting memories of my dark past as I once did. The books knew nothing of my past, yet held stories of their own. They carried me into a world of escape, where the lines of reality and fantasy were blurred, and I could picture myself within the pages of each book.

I stopped and glazed over the myriad rows of books. It was overwhelming. Where do I start? Without a thought, my feet carried me to a small nook that caught my attention. The lights paled as I moved closer to the abandoned alcove. Cobwebs overgrew the passageway. A unexplainable force lured me to the corner despite the dingy and dark scene. Although I loved comfort and security, the unknown nature of this corner invoked a strong curiosity within me. It was almost as if I stumbled across this bookstore for this particular corner - to explore and discover a hidden treasure.

In an effort to see, I strained my eyes as I neared the books. One particular book caught my eye. Juxtaposed with the worn, dull binds next to it, the book glowed of newness. The crimson binding was laced with gold details.  I snatched it off the shelf and hastily walked to the light. The mere touch of the book shot chills down my spine. In the light, the gold engraving merely spelled out, "Redemption".  I was skeptical. My dark past left me hopeless and unsure of any redeeming promises of the world. Religion offered senseless rules. The consumption of alcohol and use of drugs left me unsatisfied and wanting more. The endless one-night stands produced emptiness. All promises that proved fake and empty.

Yet in hesitation, I opened the book. No author listed. No ISBN number. No copyright date.  No Title page. All 777 pages contained in the book were filled with writing and were divided into 66 different chapters.  Curiously, I started to read: "When God created the heavens and the earth in the beginning..." rang the first line. Although it sounded oddly like Genesis of the Bible, this story brought more life and vitality with it than the dull pages of the "Christian" Bible, or at least the teachings I heard at church. This "God" created each thing out of nothing by simply speaking it into existence. But the thing that stuck out to me the most is that same God, instead of speaking humans into existence, took the time to form them like a potter would form clay. Every detail crafted with precision and love, unlike the animals.

Engulfed by the story, each event invoked strong emotions within me. Contentment and satisfaction hit when God would walk in the Garden with the couple. Anger overcame me when the couple disobeyed the one order they were given and gave up everything for that one pleasure. Grief occurred when the man killed his own brother and when a flood destroyed the whole earth. Yet hope came when there was one man willing to stand up for everything. 

I had no idea how long I spent in that book store reading the book until a worker informed me of their closing in 5 minutes. At that point, I did not care how much this book cost, I had to buy it. I walked to the cashier and handed him the book. With a confused demeanor, he walked over to the manager and asked him a question. He came back and informed me that the book I gave him was not a book they sold at this book store. I walked out with as much money as I came in with - a rare feat - and a new book. 

That night, I could not sleep. These Israelites angered me! How could they complain against a God who had provided for them! How could they reject this God who cared and loved them!  Selfish bastards! They wanted to be enslaved to the Egyptians?! If I were God, I would be furious with these people! Yet the amazing thing I found is that this God did not smite the Israelites and abandon them, even when they deserved it. No. He offered love and forgiveness. This God promised a redemption from the rebellion against Him. 

A new character unlike any other entered the scene. Jesus. This could not be the Christian's Jesus. As I read the story of his life, I knew this was not the same Jesus the Christians claim to serve. It can not be! This Jesus condemned the religious people! He had dinner with prostitutes! Yet it was these same Israelites God promised this hope to, who rejected this Man who was supposed to take on the sins of the world! The same people who God loved and showed grace to in the stories prior are the very people who rejected Jesus.

The vivid imaginary of the next pages invoked anger and grief within me. I slammed the book shut after reading about the beating and crucifixion of this kind man sent by God! Why the hell would these people kill the Son of God!?! These people are so depraved! Why does God continually forgive them?! Why would He send Jesus if the people would just mock him and KILL him?!  I could not wrap my mind around this?! I slammed my fists against the table and bitterly began to weep. This God, their Father, loved them! He cared!  Am I the same way? If this story is true, then I am created by God in His image! I am His creation who has strayed from Him. In my hopes to fill my emptiness for more, I sinned against this God who has only loved me and sent His Son to suffer and to die for MY sins! 

I placed myself in the shoes of this Judas character who betrayed Jesus. I became the guards who spit in Jesus face, placed the crown of thorns on His head, and who nailed Him to that cross. Those people were me! God did that because of me!  Oh, God! What have I done!? It CAN'T end here! There must be more!!!!  I quickly picked up the book and read through the hazy cloud caused by my tears. Jesus DEFEATED Death!  He called this man Saul - a man who persecuted him!!  How can it be!

The dawn broke as I finished the last pages of the book. After my eyes caught the last words written on the last page, I fell to my knees. Never in my life had I seen myself in a book as much as I had in this one! I need that hope presented by this Jesus God-man! I began to sob uncontrollably as I fell face down on the ground. My past haunted me! All the sexual immorality, drunkenness, and selfish ambitions!  Oh God! Forgive me! I cried out. This story of redemption through Christ! It calls me to live in union with this God-man who defeated death!  But the ending of the Book gave the greatest victory! Because there is hope in the end! Jesus wins! Evil is defeated!  I need to defeat evil NOW through the victory of Christ!  I can't do it the way I have been trying for so long!  I need to defeat the demons of my past with the redemption and victory in Christ and not by escaping as I have been!

When the world offered nothing by empty promises, Christ already has victory!