The words fell from my lips out of habit and without thought. "All of You is more than enough for all of me, for every thirst and every need. You satisfy me with Your love and all I have in You is more than enough." Recently, I had been convicted of worshipping with a half-heart. I promised myself that I would not worship unless I made it all about God. If I had sin in my life, I would not worship, but deal with it before God. As soon as the words came out, I stopped dead in my tracks. A little voice spoke, "Do you believe the words you just sang, Charity?" Well, of course I do, I thought, trying to convince both myself and the little voice. "Do you actually believe it? Do you live like you believe those words?"
BAM! It was like a slap in the face. My heart dropped and my head bowed. God, I thought to myself, I don't live like You are more than enough for me. I don't live like You satisfy me. As this realization came across my mind, I slowly looked up at the crowd of students, singing this song out. How many of them believe what they are saying? How many of them live as if those words are true? For most, I realized, this was a meaningless time of habitual song singing about some God they were raised to believe in for sake of not going to hell. These words meant nothing to most of these people, for their lives showed no evidence of the words coming from their lips.
I'm not saying that I have it down right and perfect because I do not. God continually roots out things in my life and has been for a while. Recently, He has convicted me of different things I need to let go of for the sake of enjoying Him more. Things that are not necessarily bad, but have become an idol in my life by taking the place of God. Like movies and music. Facebook I am hardly on anymore. But other subtle things that are a part of everyday life. For me, I hold onto a fear of loneliness and rejection, which is bad. In order to feed this, I "rate" or "judge" my feelings of self-worth based off of the amount of texts or calls I get in the day. Truly, if people really did care, they would talk to me all the time. So my cell phone is an item I carry around all day and something I am checking every 2 minutes to see if I got a new text or whatever.
But I learned this and other things had a stronghold in my life. I depended upon them more so than I did God, and that's not good. My identity is who I am in Christ, not based on how many people I have calling me or texting me or even liking me. I am a child of God, redeemed, adopted, and being sanctified. I have Christ's righteousness and hope to lean on.
I learned recently that a very godly woman I know has been praying for me over the past couple of years. I haven't talked to this woman for almost 4 years and yet, she still asks about me and continually prays for me. I almost broke down. These past 4 years have been the biggest struggle of my life and this woman, I only met 2 or 3 times, has been praying for me and asking about me. God knows what we need and even when we don't see it, He is working.
I want to live my life as if nothing else matters. I want to live enjoying God because then I will know that it is a life lived without regrets. I want to live as if God is the only thing that matters, even if it means losing friendships, family, or even if it means being alone my whole life. This is the cost. It's hard and it's painful; but there is nothing greater, nothing filled with more joy, peace, and hope. We have Christ to lean on. And He is more than enough for all of me, for every thirst and every need. He will satisfy me with His love... Because ALL I have in Christ is more than enough.
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