Why am I feeling this way? I was doing so well, did I really think that I would not meet this again? For years, depression had been like an intimate friend. Yet God brought me through a period of joy and grace. He took me through a painful, yet joyful time.
But I sit here and become reacquainted with an old friend. I fight him with all the truth that I know within me, but I can't drop the feeling. The heavy feeling that weighs on my heart and on my mind. The feeling that reaches to the pits of my stomach and ties it in knots. This feeling where I want to cry, but can't. This feeling that will not allow me to enjoy the things I once enjoyed.
I sit here numbed by an old feeling. It hasn't been this bad in a long time. Maybe because I know I have to made decisions I don't want to make and I have to do things that I don't want to do. Whatever it is... I want to rid myself of these feelings.
Maybe depression is one of those things that I will fight my whole life. I wish and pray not, but maybe it is.
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