Now, I'm not an optimistic person by nature (even though God is slowly changing that in me), but I am a very introverted person. These two do not mix well. Because I look at those struggles, temptations, and failures, and I start talking down on myself.
You know that little nagging voice in your head that kind of sounds like your mom. "You shouldn't have done that! How stupid can you be for making the same mistakes over and over again!", "You will never learn, will you?", "I know you are stronger than that! You knew that was wrong, yet you did it anyway!" etc...
Well, I have failed this week in many areas in my life that I thought were history. As I began to fall back into my old thinking pattern, I knew what God's word said, but I ignored it. This lead me to fail in other ways as well. Slowly, as the day progressed, I hit a point of numbness and carelessness. So when I laid down to go to sleep, a restlessness within my soul prohibited me from sleeping. As I sat and thought, all those negative comments began to fill my head. But it didn't stop there, all of a sudden, a second voice joined in, combating the blatant lies filling my head.
The struggle between my flesh and spirit went on for a while, but I began to realize a flaw that caused my spiral downward. The flaw is that I can stop myself from carrying out my own sinful desires. So often, I beat up on myself for failing, but could I expect less from a deprived human like myself? No. I'm not saying that we can never deny those desires, I'm saying that we can only deny those desires when we are walking and depending on the Holy Spirit. Yet most of the time, we try to stop those things with our own flesh.
I have forgotten the role of the Holy Spirit in my life and the importance of it. Jesus, in the Upper Room, sat with His disciples mere hours before His death. He warned them of what would happen, but told them not to worry because He was going to send a Helper for them.
"But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you." [John14:26]
"But I tell you the truth, it is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you; but if I go, I will send Him to you. And He, when He comes, will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment; concerning sin, because they do not believe in Me; and concerning righteousness, because I go the Father and you no longer see Me; and concerning judgment, because the ruler of this world has been judged... But when He, the Spirit of truth comes, He will guide you into all the truth; for He will not speak on His own initiative, but whatever He hears, He will speak; and He will disclose to you what is to come." [John 16:7-11,13]
Of course, the disciples had no idea what Jesus was talking about. But Jesus knew the importance of the Spirit. After Jesus' resurrection and right before His ascension, Jesus told the disciples not to leave Jerusalem until they had what God promised: the Holy Spirit. Jesus knew the disciples could not go out and preach/teach about Him without the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Jesus would not dare send them out without the Holy Spirit.
It's the same in our lives. We, as followers of Jesus, have already received the Holy Spirit upon conversion. But we must learn to walk in the Spirit and not in the flesh. So often we fail and stumble because we falsely view ourselves as the ones with the ability to withstand temptation. So we fight and we fight, but then we become disappointed when we lose.
A right view of ourselves says that we are weak, yet in our weakness, we can be strong - not of any merit of our own- but because God is strong when we are weak. The Spirit is the one who strengthens us! Paul recognized so well! He completely understood the role of the Spirit in our lives.
"But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desires of the flesh." [Gal. 5:16]
"that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power THROUGH His Spirit in the inner man..." [Eph. 3:16]
"Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know the things freely given to us by God." [1 Cor. 2:12]
"For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so." [Romans 8:5-7]
"for if you are living acording to the flesh, you must die; but if the Spirit, you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all those who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry 'Abba! Father!' The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God." [Romans 8:13-16]
I can pull myriads of verses that speak of the Holy Spirit, but I think my point is evident. Most of the time, I know I fail because I put my mind to the flesh - in my flesh, I will resist this temptation- yea, we may succeed a few times, but in the end, we will fail.
I have realized that I need to walk in the Spirit more. I am persuaded that the Holy Spirit means more in my life than I allow Him to be. I am convinced that I cannot resist sin without the help of the Holy Spirit. So what do I do? I am surrendering my will to Him. I'm surrendering my moment by moment decisions to the Holy Spirit, so that I may not make a decision according to the flesh. And I am trusting that He is all I need. I am trusting that He, who searches the mind of God, can lead me to follow the Perfect will of God.
It's not easy, because it takes humility and surrender. But it's worth it! Because I know that I am a child of God.
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