Embrace it

Many thoughts flooded my head today.
       Not the usual flood of muddled misdirection.

No.

It was a quiet day.
       Not too many distractions.
               Not too many interactions with people.

It was just God and I wrestling through some things in my life.

Well, actually, it was more God opening up my heart and weeding out my thoughts. The bad weeds of misguided knowledge about God and about myself.

It was a mellow day.
       I was productive for once.
               Productive in many ways (thoughts, academia, etc).

But if there is one thing I took away from day, it would be that I'm trying to hard.

As I reflected upon the work and person of Jesus Christ and the role of the Holy Spirit, I came to a conclusion.

I'm working as if to try to prove myself to God, to others, and especially, to myself.

You see, I've been struggling in friendships. I made it more about my effort to fix every problem while tagging God's name on at the end.

How foolish of me!

I cannot make anything better no matter how hard I try. It's like trying to write a "How-to" book about making a rocking chair, when you've never picked up a tool in your life. I have been trying to author those friendships and in the dedicated part, I wrote: "To God, hopefully this will bring you glory, in some way, and I hope I'm doing this right!"

I've been struggling to live this Christian life in general.

Why?

Well, because I would fail or notice areas that needed improvement and I would get discouraged. Then I would work as hard as I could to change it.

But you want to know what I learned today?

That, as I further my relationship with God, my desires to sin or to do the things that God hates, will naturally be diminished due the Holy Spirit working within me. I cannot obey in and of myself, I am dead. But I have God to obey through me, if I allow Him.

That's what I learned today.

That God has given me all I need for life and godliness.

And I just need to embrace it.