I sometimes wish that life can be played out in music. Not like those cheesy musicals when they stop whatever they are doing and bust out in a well choreographed and perfectly sung song and dance. I wish it were more like other movies, when the music just plays in the background, with each song intentionally holding more meaning to the situation.
If I could play a song for my life right now... or even a CD for my life, it would be the "Son of the Morning" album by Oh, Sleeper. And the currently song playing? "In All Honesty."
You're reaching out to a dog that's tasted and turned.More often than not, I feel so dirty and filthy. How can God see more in me than the beast that I consider myself? How can God think that I would be "worth this rescuing"?
Why? Why waste your time when I've found my strength in another?
Can you see more in me? Can you really see more than just a beast?
Grace. I KNOW that. I UNDERSTAND that. But in all honesty, I really have a hard time accepting that. I don't deserve it. People don't want to have anything to do with me. I'm not a good friend, because I'm selfish and I do not give grace to the people around me, while demanding they give me grace the whole time...
I ate dinner with an old roommate today. It was interesting. We discussed the terrible times we had and how bad of a semester it was. I wronged her on so many levels. How could she extend grace to me and love me regardless of it? How could she, after I ignored the problems and just ran away from them, could she turn around and just forgive me?
And this is just one instance. I'm overbearing. Overwhelming. Needy. Clingy. And just overall, too much for people most of the time.
How can I, who lives in a constant struggle with sin, be worthy of grace? How could God love me when all I do is try to find satisfaction in others?
I'm worthless. I'm filthy.
Yet I know He's not.
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