One day, my siblings and I started to ask our dad what things he remembered about us when we were little kids. We wanted to know who got in trouble the most, who had the funniest stories, etc. When I asked my dad, he said that I was a pretty good kid, but one thing he would never forget is being called into my school when I was in first grade. Apparently, it was math time at Margaret Ross Elementary School in Mrs. Nally's first grade class. She taught us one way of solving a math problem the day before, but this day, we were learning a different way to do the problem. I decided that I liked the other way better and refused to do it the way we were learning. My way was the better way and no one was going to tell me different!
Well, Mrs. Nally saw that I wasn't doing it the way we were supposed to and tried to show me how to do it. I stubbornly crossed my arms and refused to do it. She fought me on this and I started crying and yelling about liking the other way and that I did not and will not do it this new (and NOT better) way. Eventually, she took me into the principal's office where I was crying and still obstinate in my refusal to do the problem how we were learning. My parents were called and when they got there, I was sitting in the principal's office, arms crossed, lips pressed together in a thin line of anger, and refused to speak to anyone (because they were all stupid adults who didn't know anything).
I look back and think, man, I was stubborn, hard-headed, and naive. But I guess I still am. This has been one of the hardest things for God to break me on and He still hasn't done it. Because like little first grade Charity, I sit cold, crossed arms, lips pressed into a thin line of anger, and silent, refusing to deal with it or talk about it (at least not without a fight).
But God is slowly chiseling away at me in this area. God has showed me that this stubbornness carried itself in the form of pride in, at least, two different ways. The first was that I am always right and I knew the best way to live my life... and no one was going to tell me differently. Well God broke that out of me when I realized that I was merely a hurricane (or tornado) in the town of my life. My path was full of destruction and loss.
The second way is something God just showed me today. Something I refused to recognize because of pride. I am the one who has to tell people how to live their lives because I know the best way for them! And when they don't do it my way, I fight (yelling and crying).
Well, I have found myself in a bad situation with a friend and I am in the principal's office right now. Stubbornly, I refused to admit it or deal with it. I know that God is the one in control and He has a path for everyone. Just because it's not my path doesn't mean it's the wrong path. It just means it's a different way to get to the same solution, like a math problem.
When my dad got to the school, he took me aside and gave me a good lecture, disciplined me, but then hugged me and told me he loved me. Then he told me that I had to apologize to my teacher and my principal for being the way I was. Well, I'm getting one of those from my Heavenly Father right now. He is showing me where I was wrong, etc. But He also is telling me to ask for forgiveness from those people who I have hurt because of my stubbornness. Those people I have flipped out on because they weren't doing things my way.
So I will be writing letters/e-mails for a long time... Here I go!
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